Smiles – May 18, 2020

Daily Dose Smiles

All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team.

Jack Grossman, a garment salesman on the road, stopped his car on the main street of a small town in rural Alabama. Tired and hungry and unable to find a restaurant, he walked into a general store
that sold hardware and farm supplies and also served food.

“What can I do for you? the proprietor asked.”
“You handle maybe fertilizer?”
“Sure do!”
“Good”, said Grossman,
“Wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich.”

The Million-Dollar Question for God

A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, “God, what is a million years to you?”
God replies, “My son, a million years to you is like a second to me.”
The man asks, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”
God replies, “My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me.”
The man asks, “So God, can I have a million dollars?”
And God replies, “In a second.”

A minister died and went to heaven and ahead of him at the Pearly Gate was a guy in sunglasses and a leather jacket and the guy said to St. Peter. “I’m Joe Nestorenko, cabdriver of Las Vegas.” Saint Peter gave him a golden robe and golden staff and then it was the minister’s turn. “I am Elmer Lundberg, pastor of Zion Lutheran for forty-five years.” Saint Peter gave him a cotton robe and wooden staff.” “But that man was a taxi driver? and he gets a golden robe? and a golden staff?” And St. Peter said, “Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.


Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Why didn’t Noah go fishing that often? He only had two worms.