Smiles - June 15, 2020 - Valley Jewish Community Center

Sep
09Mah Jongg Game Day
Mah Jongg Game Days continue every Monday at the Village in Northridge! Free to VJCC Members.
Sep
10Beginning Mah Jongg Lessons
Beginner or intermediate learners welcome. Please join us to learn Mah Jongg!
Sep
10Beginning Mah Jongg Lessons
Whether you are a beginner or an intermediate learner, please join us at The Village at NorthRidge
Sep
10NuRoots/Sweet Return Paint and Sip Night
Join Valley JCC and NuRoots for a festive Paint and Sip evening as we celebrate the High Holidays,

Smiles – June 15, 2020

All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team.

Breaking News:

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19,
but to stop eating.

Riddles!

A tree doubled in height each year until it reached its maximum height over the course of ten years. How many years did it take for the tree to reach half its maximum height?

There are 2 ducks in front of 2 other ducks. There are 2 ducks behind 2 other ducks. There are 2 ducks beside 2 other ducks. How many ducks are there?

I am something people love or hate. I change peoples appearances and thoughts. If a person takes care of them self I will go up even higher. To some people I will fool them. To others I am a mystery. Some people might want to try and hide me but I will show. No matter how hard people try I will Never go down. What am I?

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, “If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50.” The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he’ll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

What did one hat say

to the other?

You wait here. I’ll go on a head.

A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said, “I’m done.” The man asked “how did you get done so fast?” The lady said, “it was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrarri not a Porsche.”

A rope walked into a restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter said, “Are you a rope?” The rope said “Yes.” The waiter said, “We don’t serve ropes.” So, the rope went out and burnt off his ends and tied himself into a knot. The rope went back into the restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter asked “Are you a rope?”. The rope said “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

When I drink coffee I can’t sleep. – Really? I have the exact opposite. – Wow, seriously? – Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar. I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other marital art.
He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!
“No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!”

I heard the Secret Service had to change their commands. They
can’t say, “Get Down!” anymore when the President is under attack.
Now it’s “Donald! Duck!”

Riddle Answers

Nine Years.
Just four, in a square formation.
Age.
The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote, “your exact weight” on the paper.

Valley Jewish Community Center