All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team.
A Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh. Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh. And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh. Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy says, “I learned my name is David.”
Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”
I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: “Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on the scale.”
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a
partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,” she hears him mumble from behind the mask,
“Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
Again, she hears him mumble, “Nurse, please check for me.
Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and
says very slowly,
“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
What type of sandals
do frogs wear?
Waiter: “Do you want any dessert?”
Teddy Bear: “No Thanks. I’m Stuffed!”