Valley Jewish Community Center

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    Oct
    02    Mah Jongg Game Days

    Join us for MahJongg Game Days ever Monday at The Village at Northridge. Bring your lunch!

  • Oct
    03    Current Events Discussion Group

    Be a part of a lively discussion on the topic of the day, every first Tuesday and Third Thursday.

  • Oct
    04    Music & Morsels: Impromptuo

    Don’t miss the Alliance concert debut of Impromptuo — an innovative improvisation-focused duo made up of violinist Katherine Kyu Hyeon Lim and pianist Joey Chang, who use their classical training and improvisation!

Smiles – August 31, 2020

Daily Dose Smiles

All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team.

Another Way of
Getting Around Town

The NILE Virus (Type C)

I thought you would want to know about this virus.
Even the most advanced computer anti-virus programs from Norton, McAfee, Malwarebytes and others cannot take care of this one.
It appears to target those who were born prior to 1958.
This lockdown seems to be increasing the chances of being affected!

Virus Symptoms

  1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that
  2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too)
    Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup)
  3. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha)
  4. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that)
  5. Causes you to hit SEND before you’ve finished. (Oh no, not again)
  6. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that)
  7. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Heck, now what?)


This virus is called the C-NILE virus!

A lot of us have already been inflicted with this deadly disease and unfortunately, as we age it gets worse.
And if you can’t admit to doing any of the above, you’ve obviously caught the other strain – the deadly, dastardly…

The D-Nile virus.

“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”
Tim Vine
 
—–
 
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay – it’s in my jeans.

The Top 10 Dances

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
 
—–
 
“I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.”
Tommy Cooper
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
 
—–
 
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.