All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team.
A Hanukkah Surprise! (click to see!)
So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?
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If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.
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Just wait for a second – so what you’re telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?
Philanthropy
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?” “No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.” Never heard of him,” said the visitor. “What did he write?” “A check,” replied the guide.
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere
Rowing Team
Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice four hours every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge, Mass. , and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practice. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. “Well, I figured out their secret,” he announces. “What? Tell us! Tell us!” his teammates shout. “We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row.”
A Panda Walks Into…
A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
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“How do you organize a space party?”
You Planet.
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“What did the buffalo say to his son
when he left for college?”
“Bison”
A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, “I’ll be darned.” A local pastor heard him and said, “You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off to say, ‘Praise the Lord.'” So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, “Praise the Lord.” The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back up the hill, and puts itself back on the wagon. The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims, “I’ll be darned!”
Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
Q: What did the cross-eyed teacher say?
A: I can’t control my pupils!
The Birth of a Song and the Blues
Have Fun!!!
Shake Your ……!
Sugar Chili Robinson