All jokes submitted by our insane membership joke team!
THE PARABLE OF THE JEWISH SAMURAI
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai, and a Jewish Samurai.
“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* The fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
“What a feat!”, said the Emperor. “Number Two Samurai, show me what you do.”
The Chinese Samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor. “How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”
The Jewish Samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh!* flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”
“Dead?” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?”
Did you hear about the two radio antennas that go married?
Well they said the wedding was okay, but the reception was awesome!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s okay, he woke up.
A blind man goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, “Who wrote this story!?!?”
LADY ON A BUS
This lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. She tried to step up onto the steps again. But it was still too tight. She reached back and unzipped some more. Tried to step up again and the skirt was still too tight. She tried one more time. She reached back and unzipped some more. And she still couldn’t get up onto the bus.
So this man behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt. He gives her a boost onto the bus. She turns around and slaps him and saying, “What do you think you are doing.” Well, the man says:
“Well, lady after you unzipped my pants for the third time I thought we was acquainted.”